im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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