btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
