don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
