he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
