he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
