i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
