my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
