you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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