If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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