you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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