ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
