I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
