I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
