I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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