the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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