gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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