smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
