Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
