He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
