dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
