I feel like abortions should bother me more
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
