never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
