I wish I only lived at night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
