Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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