things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
