So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
