I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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