Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the day after is always just damage control
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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