Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
