Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He? As in you personified your dick?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
