I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
