who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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