I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
