oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
