come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
