You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
