he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
