I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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