guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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