her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
