Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
