oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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