Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
