Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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