so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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