Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
