i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
