Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
