I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
