O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
