I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
