I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
