The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
