no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
