it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When are your genitals available?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
