You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
