This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize