apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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