I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
