Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
