Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
