so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize