If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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