I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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