Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You are a genius and a whore.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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