I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
