You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
