peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
