He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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