allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
