So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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