i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
