Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
