Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
