You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
