I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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