I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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