Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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