I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
