I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
