Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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