so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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