I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
