I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize