im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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