remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
