I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
