Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
