i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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