My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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